


Drive-In

by Lady_in_Red



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Meta, Multimedia, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:32:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_in_Red/pseuds/Lady_in_Red
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amigurumi dolls Jaime and Brienne watch season 4. Confusion, innuendo, and embarrassment result. Includes photos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Swords

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr April-July 2014. This seemed like a good time for a refresher on season 4, before the season 5 promos start airing.

  
**Brienne:** Who is that knight with the sword?

 **Jaime:** *sputtering* That’s me.

 **Brienne:** Are you sure? Doesn’t look much like you.

 **Jaime:** If you look closely, you’ll find the stump is still the same.

 **Brienne:** *continues watching* That is a truly excellent sword.

 **Jaime:** It’s Valyrian steel, wench. That is a blade worthy of songs. Play nice and I might let you wield it.

 **Brienne:** You must have confused me with someone else, ser. I have no desire to wield your sword.

 **Jaime:** *smirks* Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

 


	2. The Lion and the Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That moment when watching the show turns awkward for our yarny heroes.

  


 

 **Jaime:** So you love me?

 **Brienne:** I didn’t say that.

 **Jaime:** *smirks* You didn’t deny it either.

 **Brienne:** What is this pink thing we’re sitting in?

 **Jaime:** It’s called a Ford Mustang. I found it when the horses wandered off. And don’t change the subject, wench.

 **Brienne:** Your … king was not what I expected.

 **Jaime:** You expected Renly?

 **Brienne:** *shrugs* I expected you.

 **Jaime:** You shouldn’t have.

*neither speak for a moment*

 **Jaime:** So you love me.

 **Brienne:** *rolls her eyes*  In your dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No recap for Breaker of Chains. Moving right along to Oathkeeper.


	3. Oathkeeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The goodbye scene

 

**Jaime:** Valyrian steel, armor, and a squire. Everything you need for a quest.

**Brienne:** Then why are you trying to follow me?

**Jaime:** I’m _not_ following you. And you couldn’t even say goodbye.

**Brienne:** You don’t look happy either.

**Jaime:** We know each other too well.


	4. First of His Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Show Pod proves less capable than his book counterpart.

**Brienne:** Remember when I said he would slow me down?

**Jaime:** How was I to know that Tyrion never taught him anything except pouring wine? He was far more capable in the books.

**Brienne:** He can’t ride a horse, can’t cook a meal, and he’s a man grown no matter much he resembles an overgrown puppy. It’s unseemly for a maiden to travel with him.

**Jaime:** Don’t tell me you’re tempted.

**Brienne:** *glaring* No. I’m only saying that the boy was hardly a gift.

*They watch as Pod talks.*

**Brienne:** Daario got Daenerys 93 ships. Just because he heard she liked ships.

**Jaime:** Daario has 2,000 sellswords at his command. I have a handful of idiots who never seem to move or take off their helmets.

**Brienne:** Your point being?

**Jaime:** Must you compare me unfavorably to the man with the rather large arakh? I did give you a full set of armor and a bloody priceless sword.

**Brienne:** I’m not comparing. Just making an observation.

**Jaime:** *holds up his stump* I’m not much inclined to like a man wielding an arakh.


	5. The Laws of Gods and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers Lannister don't know when to stop talking.

 

**Brienne:** So your plan requires your brother keeping his mouth shut and your father keeping his word?

**Jaime:** Apparently. This is all new to me.

**Brienne:** This is not going to end well.

**Jaime:** Agreed.

*Shae enters the room and destroys Tyrion*

**Brienne:** I thought Bronn put her on a ship before the wedding?

**Jaime:** No one escapes from Tywin Lannister.

*Tyrion lays waste to any hope of him being sent to the Wall.*

**Brienne:** The Lannister boys: utterly unable to stop talking.

**Jaime:** That shouldn’t surprise you, wench.

**Brienne:** At least you won’t be forced to wed a “suitable woman.”

**Jaime:** *looks at Brienne* Ah yes, a highborn maiden, ideally one whose House has either wealth or strategic value. That would have been terrible.


	6. Mockingbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne is a little preoccupied with an earlier scene.

  


**Jaime:** Did it ever snow on Tarth?

**Brienne:** In the mountains during winter. Never at Evenfall.

**Jaime:** It snowed once at the Rock. I scraped together a lumpy little snowman. Tyrion loved it. So Cersei kicked it apart. *sighs* It’s beautiful, though, isn’t it?

**Brienne:** ….

**Jaime:** Wench, are you even listening to me?

**Brienne:** *startles* Did you say something? I was … distracted by the snow.

**Jaime:** *snorts* You’re still thinking about that sellsword’s ass, aren’t you?

**Brienne:** *blushes* I am _not_.

**Jaime:** If you’ll recall, mine isn’t so terrible either.

**Brienne:** I will kick you out of this car if you bring that up again.

**Jaime:** *stammering* Nothing came up. I don’t know what you’re talking about.


	7. The Mountain and the Viper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne questions the course of her journey.

 

**Brienne:** So Sansa is at the Eyrie and Arya is at the Bloody Gate, and I’m wandering somewhere in Westeros looking for them.

**Jaime:** You might have turned toward the Vale.

**Brienne:** Sansa has the support of the Lords of the Vale, and Arya will be with her soon. They don’t seem to need my help.

**Jaime:** Sansa could use a guard at her door, and I doubt Arya will stay at the Eyrie.

**Brienne:** Lady Sansa has no reason to trust me. I wonder if turning up with a Lannister sword and Lord Tyrion’s squire will be more hindrance than help.

**Jaime:** You might have a point, but you won’t encounter Lady Sansa for some time, I suspect.

**Brienne:** You think me so incompetent as to wander aimlessly for so long?

**Jaime:** In the books it was not aimless, wench. You did battle, you met quite the cast of characters, you witnessed the suffering of the smallfolk.

**Brienne:** Why was that not in the show?

**Jaime:** That’s an excellent question.


	8. The Watchers on the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fate of Jon and Ygritte spurs a conversation.

 

**Brienne:** They truly loved each other.

**Jaime:** Yes, for all the good it did them.

**Brienne:** Jon chose duty over love. So did Ygritte, in a way. But she couldn’t kill him.

**Jaime:** Ygritte was not the first to face that choice. *pauses* Nor the last.

**Brienne:** They had love, however briefly. Not everyone is so lucky.

**Jaime:** Don’t tell me you’ve already given up on love, wench. You’re far too young to admit defeat.

**Brienne:** I’ve loved, Jaime. Pretty, dainty ladies can hope to have their love returned. Not a warrior like me.

**Jaime:** Ygritte was a warrior.

**Brienne:** And she was beautiful.

**Jaime:** Was she? Redheads don’t interest me.

**Brienne:** Of course not. Only blondes. One blonde in particular.

**Jaime:** *smiles* Yes, Brienne, one blonde in particular.


	9. The Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime explains book to show changes.

  


 

**Brienne:** You set Tyrion free.

**Jaime:** Of course, I did. He’s my brother. Our parting wasn’t nearly so amicable, in truth.

**Brienne:** Why not?

**Jaime:** We exchanged a lie for a truth, neither of them easy to hear.

**Brienne:** I don’t understand.

**Jaime:** I once told him a lie and cost Tyrion the woman he loved. When I told him the truth, he told me he killed Joffrey.

**Brienne:** Why would he say that?

**Jaime:** To hurt me. *pauses* There were a lot of other things changed tonight.

**Brienne:** I know. We fought well, but I would never have drawn first against the Hound.

**Jaime:** That’s not the scene I was thinking of. With Cersei—

**Brienne:** You owe me no explanations.

**Jaime:** That’s not true and you know it. Brienne, she did come to me in the tower, but I refused her. And Cersei would never risk losing the throne for anything, least of all for me.

**Brienne:** You gave up everything to stay by her side. Would she not do the same for you?

**Jaime:** No.

**Brienne:** I’m sorry.

**Jaime:** Don’t be. It seems that Jaime needs another year to figure out what I already know.

**Brienne:** What do you know?

**Jaime:** When I gave you Oathkeeper, I trusted the right woman. No matter what comes next.


	10. Blooper Reel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps his rhythm was in his swordhand.

 

**Brienne:** Were you not given dancing lessons as a child?

**Jaime:** What are you implying? My footwork is excellent.

**Brienne:** Footwork, yes. Your arms, though…

**Jaime:** What’s wrong with my arms?

**Brienne:** *hesitates* You are rather enthusiastic. 

**Jaime:** I’ve spent many a tedious evening leading noble ladies around the floor, and not heard any complaints.

**Brienne:** I’m sure you haven’t.

**Jaime:** I’ll remind you that a gold hand is rather cumbersome. Besides, how many toes have you trod on, wench?

**Brienne:** *blushes, looks away*

**Jaime:** That was unkind.

**Brienne:** But not untrue.

**Jaime:** Should we find a minstrel in our travels, I will prove to you how well I dance. And you may tread on my toes as much as you like.

**Brienne:** As long as he doesn’t play “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.”


End file.
